Mom, do you remember that time we talked on the phone, and after we hung up I noticed the timer on my phone showed that we had talked for over four hours, so I called you back just to tell you? We laughed and continued to talk for a while longer. I wish we could do that again.
Do you remember when I won that trip to the Four Seasons Hotel in
Vancouver, B.C. and it was your, and my, first time staying in a fancy
hotel? What fun that was.
Do you remember when you moved into
your mobile home, and as we stood admiring your new place, it dawned on
us that you had bought a place right next door to Aunt Phyllis? We
laughed and laughed. It was strangely awkward, and funny as could be.
I miss the comfort of being around you. Even though we were very different, our conversations were easy.
I miss standing next to you and watching you play the piano. I miss
being mesmerized by the sound of your accordion. I miss watching how
easily you managed the foot pedals on the organ, despite the deformity
of your feet.
If I could ask you anything today, I would ask you "why"? Why didn't you tell me you were sick? Why didn't you seek treatment?
I wish that I could have eased your pain. You deserved a much easier
life. It saddens me to imagine how you lived the final 10 years of your
life silently carrying the burden of a diagnosis. Donna told us that you finally told her a couple of weeks before you were hospitalized. She said she asked you to tell us, but you didn't.
If I could tell you anything today, I would tell you "I'm sorry". I'm sorry I had forgotten you had a storage unit. I would have looked for your family photos there, if only I had remembered. My heart breaks as I think how many times you asked for me to find your photo albums so you could see your family again. After you left us, they reminded us to clean out your storage unit, and that is where we found the photo albums.
I would tell you that your grandchildren are doing well. Our oldest graduated a few months after you left us. That was hard knowing you were not celebrating with us. The twins graduate this year. Can you believe it? They're grown up.
I would also tell you that you missed a pandemic and the world is very strange right now. The pandemic reached the United States, in Washington state, just as you lay sleeping. I've gotta tell you, Mom, I'm so grateful we were able to spend your last days with you. Two weeks later, and we might not have been allowed to.
Mom, I was blessed to have you as my mother. I hope you knew that. You are forever etched into my heart and into my memory. I love you.
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